Crap Movies

Top Gun: Maverick

I honestly wasn’t expecting much, so I wasn’t too disappointed. It’s really goofy, and strangely kinda cute and wholesome.

It’s well paced. Never really drags. Still could lose a half-hour.

Lots of fan service for enthusiasts of the original, among which I count myself.

It’s okayish jet porn, but with F-18s we’re deep inside MILF territory.

They leaned a little too hard into the CG.

There’s bad science.




:2stars:

:3.5stars: if you liked the original a lot.

If I’m being honest, one of the things bothering me is it really sucks as a piece of propaganda.

I’m not sure it’s intended as such, the way the first one was.

Well, yeah. That’s the problem.

One of the things I demand from a Top Gun movie is fetishization of American technological military superiority.

But were there any great classic singalongs? That's what I remember best from the original.

There is. Almost every iconic element of the original is recreated in some form or fashion. They didn’t kid around with the fan service.

However, the sing-a-long is bittersweet this time around because it reminds Maverick he killed Goose.

Also, as an example of the movie’s wholesomeness, the point of the scene is camaraderie and not seduction.

They should have had Michael Bay do it. Seems like all he does is masturbate over the US military.


This seems to be the formula for all recent reboot/sequel/prequels. Just remake the original as closely as you can. I find this dull and unadventurous.

It works slightly better than normal here because Cruise hadn’t cracked yet.

I was thinking of Bay, though I think the only thing of his I’ve seen is Ambulance, which is a crap movie. A little too old to be into Transformers. I was a Battletech kid.

Ambulance

Like I said, I think this is my first Bay movie.

This movie is not well paced. Really drawn out.

The first 45 minutes or so is filled with blatant product placement. They’re not even trying to hide it.

Jake Gyllenhaal is a superlative actor, so he can make magic out of trash. Add one star when he’s onscreen. The guy from Deadwood who kills Wild Bill Hickok is in it. He’s also very good, and unrecognizable.

Gun porn rates two out of two cocked hammers. Shit blows up good. Inventive drone shots.

Still crap though.



:2stars:

No, wait… I’ve seen The Rock, which was a piece of shit. Much bigger fan of Con-Air as far as Cage movies from that era go. Never saw Face/Off.

Speaking of, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent is surprisingly good. It makes Cage look like a huge asshole, and he completely throws himself into it. The ending is weak, but that’s par for the course with comedies.

I tend to find setups for a joke funnier than the punchline, and there’s a setup in this that’s so golden I laughed for five minutes straight. I’m laughing right now just thinking about it.

Dude, Maverick was just awesome. It was cheesy in all the right ways and 100% a fantastic ride

Like I said, my big problem is it’s a nostalgia piece, and there’s this big Soviet shaped hole in it.

Also, I was a 3-year-old when the F-18 was introduced.

Was it the actual 18 or the Super Hornet? I had assumed the latter but don’t have any idea what they were actually using.

I assume the latter as well, but not a huge distinction in aesthetics between the two.

Also, it never hit me with the original, but the name “Pete Mitchell” is hilariously generic.

Haywire

Yeah, yeah. I like Gina Carano. Don’t @ me.

Top tier chopsocky.

You can tell Carano is nervous when she has to do things other than beat the shit out of people, like parkour.

Or acting.

Crappier than it should be considering it has Ewan MacGregor, Channing Tatum, Bill Paxton, Antonio Banderas, and Michael Douglas. JFC. Steven Soderbergh directing too.



:2stars: but add one if you’re a Gina fan

I like her as an actor, shame about her politics.

Also, I have a soft spot for The Rock (The Nic Cage movie).

She’s pretty wackadoodle, for sure. Too many roundhouse kicks to the head?

My memory is somewhat hazy. The main thing I recall being irritated about is Cage’s journey from pussy scientist to real man. :rolleyes:

Also, I recall lots of supposed operators standing really close together so a single grenade can kill them all at once.


I’m mildly amused Dwayne kicked the everloving shit out of that movie’s SEO.

I have some sympathy for Gina as someone who’s right wing and ostensibly in the industry. A minuscule fraction of the people I’ve worked with share my politics. When politics comes up on-set there’s an immense pressure for me to lie and pretend I agree with whatever’s being said. She used a horrifically brain-dead analogy to draw attention to this pressure, and it overshadowed what’s actually a legitimate point.

Likewise, the opinions people seem to find objectionable have a running theme: distrust. I’m sympathetic to this as well, since we distrust the same entities. Where we diverge is why we believe these entities are untrustworthy. She appears to attribute much of it to conspiracy. For the most part, my reasons are more prosaic. Our differing conclusions reflect these differing beliefs.

Whatever the case, I can say with high confidence getting drummed out of the industry served to reinforce her opinions.

It may just be Disney since 2020. She has some post-2020 productions according to her filmography. It might take a few more years to tell if she's actually drummed out.

She's against public health in a pandemic, no one should tell her to wear a mask or get vaccinated. And she thinks the Ukraine war is "a government conspiracy to control the public through fear" as of Feb 2022.

I disagree with all kinds of stuff there. But I really hate when employers try to control what you say or write while off-duty. Same for schools trying to control students when they're outside school supervision.

The way an outfit like Disney operates, someone in her position is never off-duty. I’m sure that was made clear to her and was ironclad in her contract. If she didn’t like it, she shouldn’t have taken the job.

Along those lines, it’s not an express condition of my employment I keep my mouth shut, but I knew going in staying quiet would serve my interests, and entered the situation willingly. I’m not really in a position to complain, so I don’t.

One of those is a bit-part in a Hunter Biden movie. :lol:

She’s toast.

American Made


The interesting life of this man…

https://imgur.com/Qgr2Z4Z.jpg

A man who used his exceptional piloting skills to fly mountains of cocaine into the United States. it’s an open question as to what extent Uncle Sam poked a complicit finger into the proceedings.

If I were to portray these events with as much devotion to accuracy as possible, I’d start right where this movie did and cast Tom Cruise.



:2stars:

Cool story bro

You say bit part, but she's one of three named actors in the movie. One could guess that she's the secret service agent assigned to deal with all of Hunter Biden's laptop, cell phone, drug, and scandal shenanigans.

Yikes.

So it'll be out in plenty of time to cause a ruckus for the November elections.

Is there precedent for releasing a feature-length fictional movie based on a sitting president's life, clearly intended to damage the president's reputation and chances of re-election? Like if Vice came out in 2003?

I assumed bit part because her role was listed as “Secret Service Agent”, instead of like “Agent Punchy McGrapples” or whatever.

Could be wrong.

Either way, I’d say she’s rolled far down the mountain.

Checking out some Wiki cites it looks as if she might have a sizable role, but the whole thing comes off like a subsidy for right-wing political refugees.

Well its propaganda not a major studio release.

Doesn't he start out by stealing and wrecking a Ferrari chasing down Sean Connery? If thats a journey it happens pretty fast. Or is that your complaint? Isn't there a scene before that with a bomb disposal? Its been a few years.

It will but thats fairly typical right wing behaviour. Attack the system that will punish you for being a dick before it punishes you and at least some folks will take your side because you're being oppressed or whatever. Disney have been squeaky-clean forever and a day. It doesn't take a genius to understand being controversially outspoken will cost you work with them. No doubt she saw herself as strong and bold and taking a stand against the man. Blah blah dumb asshole Trumpian nonsense, blah.
I'm sick of hearing about cancel culture. Its a conservative principle at its heart. Free market at work. Tell everyone you're an asshole they will buy what they get from you from somebody else.



Funny, I don't see it as them trying to control what their employees say. I see it as them trying to protect their image. She said something that was beyond obnoxious and Disney couldn't be seen to endorse it by continuing to employ her.

I don't employ anyone but if i was hiring actors, I would'nt be rehiring any I found out were racist or prejudiced or whatever. And If I were hiring smart people I wouldn't be rehiring conspiracy theorists or other types of idiots. Sooner or later they are going to make me look bad.

The Lost City.
It has its moments, Brad Pitt going OTT is hysterical, but most of it is generic feeling. Romancing the Stone without a spark.

http://forums.macnn.com/smilies/2.5star-rate.png


http://forums.macnn.com/smilies/3.5star-rate.png if you like Sandra Bulluck or for that closeup of Channing Tatum's butt, even covered in leeches.

https://blog.prepscholar.com/hs-fs/h...ntion-meme.jpg

Polar

Close, but lands on the crap side this time. Drawn out. Very poorly cast main villain. Lots of dumb edgelord shit and excessive gore. I can’t really recommend it.

However, a lot of it is genuinely clever, and it succeeds at capturing the feeling of a comic much of the time. Has a brilliant homage to OldBoy.



:2.5stars:

Strange World

I can only imagine the froth out there over this movie, mostly because it seems like the most bland, generic delivery vehicle for some PowerPoint bullet points that the executives wanted to hit. The whole plot is


I only say these things here because you people know me and know I'm not repeating the talking points developed by the think tanks to attack "Hollywood's liberal virtue signaling," but there's absolutely nothing compelling about the movie. The character design looks like they decided to rip off Wallace and Gromit in 3D but with no charm or innovation, and only for some of the characters. Other characters were downloaded off of GrabCAD, and the rest were swiped from someone's DeviantArt account. The art is meh, there are no twists and turns my 4 year old didn't see coming from 10 miles away.

Total skip.

:1star:

Post-note: I checked out the reviews. They seem split between 1-star "This movie has a gay character, it should have been PG-13" and 5-stars "Everyone who doesn't like this movie is a homophobe."

I saw that new movie the Menu last night.

I think it belongs in this thread, but the fancy restaurant and artist satire did give me lots of chuckles. You should give it a whirl. Plus I don’t know how to insert the stars thing you’re doing.

:[number]stars:

So, as an example (without the space)…

: 2.5stars:

Thank you!

The Menu came up with my wife this morning over breakfast. I was prepared to give it 2.5 stars which for me goes in this thread, but upon reflection I think it’s a solid 3-star movie. There is a bunch of stuff I don’t think makes much sense at all, but overall it was so entertaining and fun enough to still talk about that I think it’s “not as crap”…and depending on your tastes you might even consider it a 4!

Bonus: Anna Taylor-Joy is in it (of Queen’s Gambit fame). I think she looks like ChatGPT was asked to create a beautiful woman. It’s incredible how far apart her eyes are…like her entire face shouldn’t belong to one single person, yet obviously she is amazingly beautiful. (I don’t think she is well cast in this movie, though.)

My only exposure to her has been Amsterdam (which is crap).

I paused the movie and gave my dad a quick rundown of The Shadow over Innsmouth.

Were you the only person not to see Queen’s Gambit? Yeesh.

I haven't seen it.

Theres a section in the show Futureman that pokes very good fun at posh restaurants.

Its very good.

It's one of the available Emojis. Just like "more ..." and select it from the bottom of the list.

I upvoted both of you

Maggie Moore(s)

Coen brothers meets Joss Whedon as conceived by hacks. The cast is the only redeeming quality.



:2.5stars:

Hudson Hawk

I kept on hearing this was better than the marketing led you to believe, which I guess is true, but it’s not actually good. Has good parts, especially Grant and Bernhardt.



:2.5stars:

There’s Something in the Barn

Unapologetically stupid Norwegian Christmas gremlins movie. It would be fine for what it is, but it runs out of ideas an hour in and becomes a slog.

A few surprisingly halfway decent performances.



:2.5stars:

Ricky Stanicky

There are some rather puerile bits, but overall I found it surprisingly wholesome and uplifting. As well as funny.



:4stars:

Is it still crap, or wrong thread?

2003 Pride and Prejudice, modernized. I was expecting something fun like Clueless, and they were trying for that quirk (costumes and cars on point) but it was very cringe. Acting horrible, no chemistry. A little funny. Why did I finish this.

:2stars: and one is for the volkswagen beetle.